05 Feb 2014

What keeps love strong?

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In the lead up to Valentine’s Day let’s talk about how to make our romantic relationships brighter, lighter and a bit musclier. We deserve it.

Everyday health

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In the lead up to Valentine’s Day let’s talk about how to make our romantic relationships brighter, lighter and a bit musclier. We deserve it.

At a wedding on Australia Day I found myself deep in a chat with the groom’s grandmother, Eveline – an absolute love, aged 85. I saw the way she looked at her husband, all twinkly eyes and warm smile, and I asked her what her secret was.

She held my hand, lent towards me and said, “Rosie, I’ve been married 60 years and I love him as much as I did the day we married.”

“There are 3 rules that I’ve stuck by. Always say yes to new things (if a friend asks you on a bushwalk. Say yes. If your husband asks you come to a party with him. Say yes). It keeps you interesting.”

“Spend 1 night a week separate from each other – I’d spend time with my girlfriends, and he’d stay home on his own, or go out with friends occasionally. It gave our relationship a chance to breathe, and it gave us more energy for each other.”

“And finally, maintain separate bathrooms! Some things should remain secret – even between married couples. It keeps things more romantic.”

I loved Eveline’s pearls of wisdom and it got me thinking: have I’ve learned anything about how to keep relationships fighting fit?

I’ll be upfront and say I haven’t exactly shared her good fortune in love. Nonetheless I have learnt a thing or 3.

Don’t let things fester
If something’s bothering you, work out a good way to bring it up, and air it, tout de suite.

Each time I’ve swept something under the carpet it’s come back to bite me! And it’s been much worse than it would have proved to be if I’d simply talked about the issue a little earlier.

Learn a little about what makes his (or her) heart spin
Does your beau or belle go nuts over AFL? Or is existential philosophy more their thing?

Give a little love to what they love. A small amount of knowledge about something that may not initially interest you opens you up to your lover’s world, and helps build intimacy.

It might even lead to some fun new experiences. Really.

Plus, when it comes back the other way, it’s pretty special. Especially if he/she finds a new passion in one of your passions. This has happened to me on a few occasions: with writers I love, or a sport I enjoy. Seeing him enjoy it too really made my heart sing.

Surprise never, ever grows old
Whether you’re surprising your love with flowers, a night out, a weekend away or tickets to a butterfly farm… surprise is like oxygen for relationships. Fresh air.

Experts even say that surprise and spontaneity increases libido.

Surprises I’ve hatched- filling his room with balloons on his birthday, sending him love letters, writing him a poem, hiring a movie by one of his favourite directors, booking him in for archery lessons. (Each one went down a treat).

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I’d be most grateful to hear what keeps your relationship romantic and lively? Share your thoughts below.

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